Answers

By   •   January 12, 2016   •   Topics: , ,

Q:

What can I do about the harsh and hurtful things my husband says to me?


A:

We are sorry to learn of the frustration and pain you have experienced as a result of your husband’s hurtful words. It is distressing to be on the receiving end of very cutting and abrupt comments that wound one’s spirit.

Some people, for reasons known only to themselves, often speak to others in this manner. Sometimes a harsh and insensitive attitude shields a person who himself has been wounded by the remarks of others. In any case, we can understand the problems you are having. Remember that God loves you, and you are important in His sight. He loves you so much that He sent Christ to die for your sins.

As you focus on the fact that God loves you and considers you precious to Him, there will be a real difference in your life. Your sense of self-worth does not need to depend on the opinion of others.

Be sure you do not act toward your husband in the way he acts toward you. It is easy in a situation like yours to do just that. But that does not solve the problem—it only makes it worse. The Bible tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). It also says, “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4). Affirm and support your loved one in your conversations. Your example may help him to learn to do the same for you. Read also Ephesians 4:29-32.

We would encourage you to find a time when you can speak frankly (and yet lovingly) with your husband. Perhaps he is not even aware you are hurt by the things he says, and although he may not be intentionally hurting you, he needs to be aware of your feelings.

Communication is important in a good marriage, and you and your husband need to learn to share your concerns (as well as your joys) with each other. Read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, and Ephesians 5:28-29. Many couples have found the counsel of a Gospel-teaching pastor or Christian marriage counselor to be helpful in strengthening relationships and improving communication skills.

We would urge both you and your husband to examine your relationship with Christ. Have you committed your lives to Christ? Are you seeking to follow Him? If not, make that commitment now, and learn the joy of having Christ at the center of your marriage.

When a husband and wife are truly seeking to honor Christ, they will not want to hurt each other—quite the opposite, they will want to encourage each other. As you pray and learn from God’s Word together, God will help both of you become the loving partners He wants you to be.

Let Jesus bring peace to your marriage—and your soul.

 

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267 Comments

  1. Sandra says:

    Thank you for reminding me that GOD lives and would never do or say anything to.hurt me. Just remember HE is who counts!

  2. Sandy says:

    No way being the nice person that I am. That is being quite foolish. For too long he is getting the sharp tongue he is begging for.

  3. Patricia says:

    I have major problem with my husband

  4. Stacy says:

    My husband and I have been married for 15 years and it is rockier than ever! He comes from a broken home and has no contact with his family. Therefore, doesn’t appreciate my strong relationship with mine, no their opinions on anything. Only his opinions matter. I took a vow and am staying for that reason. Just don’t know why God would place me in this situation with this man? He is not setting a good example for our 3 kids!

  5. Trish says:

    I am married to an abusive narcissist who is constantly saying I am the problem.

    1. Jennifer says:

      My husband can be a very wonderful and loving man. We have a great lifestyle and make great things happen together in our business. However, when I am talking, telling my story to anyone, he interrupts. He uses humor to make fun of what I am saying. Others laugh. He becomes the center if attention and I feel belittled. He says it’s just humor, and that I am too sensitive. Also, he will justify all of his actions (what I consider detrimental to our relationship) by saying “that’s just the way I am”. I have begged him to go to counselling. What should I do? I am at my wits end.

    2. Christy says:

      I’ve been married 21 years. My husband is 50 years old. He hangs out with his friends a lot. We don’t talk about deep things. If I tell him my feelings he just tells me I’m over reacting. He tells me to get a life. He hurts my feelings by saying I don’t know what I’m talking about, I need to think before I talk, if I would just think before I speak I wouldn’t say the things I say.

  6. Olivia says:

    When I married my husband I was deeply in love 3months later he became violent started packing up and would come back… he is rude to the point I eat to avoid fights. I left him back in the summer he said good I’m glad. However wanted me to come home only to tell me he wished I would of stay gone… he only has a conversation if I’m speaking to someone otherwise he ignores me he gets angry easily and gets irritable easily. Nothing is ever his fault and he refuses to give me gifts, kind words, physical effection or apoplectic if he hurts me either physically or emotionally.

  7. Jewel says:

    My husband is 99.9% wonderful. Sometimes though, he says very mean, hurtful things to me. I have tried to tell him how much it hurts me when he does this ( I always tell him when we are getting along). He always says that I’m too sensitive. How can I get him to stop this?

  8. April Momon says:

    God is a way maker

  9. matheoz says:

    words to uplift me when I am being reminded by my spouse of my present low financial state, using derogatory statements for me.