Answers

By   •   January 12, 2016   •   Topics: , ,

Q:

What can I do about the harsh and hurtful things my husband says to me?


A:

We are sorry to learn of the frustration and pain you have experienced as a result of your husband’s hurtful words. It is distressing to be on the receiving end of very cutting and abrupt comments that wound one’s spirit.

Some people, for reasons known only to themselves, often speak to others in this manner. Sometimes a harsh and insensitive attitude shields a person who himself has been wounded by the remarks of others. In any case, we can understand the problems you are having. Remember that God loves you, and you are important in His sight. He loves you so much that He sent Christ to die for your sins.

As you focus on the fact that God loves you and considers you precious to Him, there will be a real difference in your life. Your sense of self-worth does not need to depend on the opinion of others.

Be sure you do not act toward your husband in the way he acts toward you. It is easy in a situation like yours to do just that. But that does not solve the problem—it only makes it worse. The Bible tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). It also says, “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4). Affirm and support your loved one in your conversations. Your example may help him to learn to do the same for you. Read also Ephesians 4:29-32.

We would encourage you to find a time when you can speak frankly (and yet lovingly) with your husband. Perhaps he is not even aware you are hurt by the things he says, and although he may not be intentionally hurting you, he needs to be aware of your feelings.

Communication is important in a good marriage, and you and your husband need to learn to share your concerns (as well as your joys) with each other. Read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, and Ephesians 5:28-29. Many couples have found the counsel of a Gospel-teaching pastor or Christian marriage counselor to be helpful in strengthening relationships and improving communication skills.

We would urge both you and your husband to examine your relationship with Christ. Have you committed your lives to Christ? Are you seeking to follow Him? If not, make that commitment now, and learn the joy of having Christ at the center of your marriage.

When a husband and wife are truly seeking to honor Christ, they will not want to hurt each other—quite the opposite, they will want to encourage each other. As you pray and learn from God’s Word together, God will help both of you become the loving partners He wants you to be.

Let Jesus bring peace to your marriage—and your soul.

 

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314 Comments

  1. Suzanne Goold says:

    I will keep praying for God’s help.

  2. Latasha says:

    Wow!! Ladies, just reading some of your posts I know I’m not alone. It isn’t constantly, but when he gets his mind set on something, my husband can be cruel and mean also. There is a book called The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. Check it out. It’s very fulfilling. My heart goes out to you ladies as I know the pain you’re feeling but it’s time to tell the devil he’s a lie and pick up your strength. Women, we are the prayer warriors for our homes. Do not sink in despair. When you fall everything falls. They need us to pray for them or they will be lost. We were given nurturing spirits for a reason. Yes, it seems unfair and we want to be loved and held but we have to keep God’s will in mind. I pray all of you gain peace.

    1. Melani McElroy says:

      Amen! Hold unto God’s unchanging hand!

  3. Maria says:

    When the husband has Asperger’s Syndrome, conversations are one-sided and he thinks he is always right. Unfortunately neither he nor I knew he was autistic before we married. What does God say in these instances? These men are verbally and sometimes physically abusive.

  4. jenny says:

    Thank you for this help. I really appreciated.

  5. Jenny says:

    Please help me from the anger, short fuse, short temper, hurtful words and so forth.

    1. BGEA says:

      Hi Jenny, here are some answers from Billy Graham about anger. https://billygraham.org/story/5-billy-grahams-my-answers-on-anger/ We hope these will be helpful to you as you pray to God for help. God bless you. -BGEA team.

  6. Kim Edwards says:

    Please, keep my marriage in your prayers. He’s so hateful and controlling. It’s like I’m a prisoner. I pray for all of us that are going through this. I pray for us all.

  7. Madeline says:

    How can my husband/pastor be so verbally abusive to me and yet preach the gospel to others?

    1. bless says:

      My husband is the same with yours. He thinks he is always right because he is a pastor but he is hurting me so much emotionally with his words and actions. He does not even pray with us because he said when I pray I am pointing him to be changed but I did not do that. It’s been 12 years that I suffered from it but my children are my strength and my God in heaven is my healer. I am hoping for your prayers to give me peace of mind and comfort. Thank you everyone.

  8. Jarushe says:

    To all the wives suffering at the hand and words of your husband, please get out! You are worthy of respect and God will love and help you into a place where you can be kind to yourself and praise Christ in peace, away from hate!
    Guilt is for sinful acts that insult the Lord, not leaving an abusive situation! Go where you can find happiness in your worship and not be hurt daily. God will NOT stop loving you! Get away from this destructive relationship and keep your faith that God has a plan for you!

  9. Lynne says:

    I just want to say, reading all these comments, I don’t feel so alone! I want so bad to have a laughing happy soul. I work so hard to be all God created me to be, and most days I feel like such a failure! How can one person that is supposed to protect you and love you tear everything away in one nasty, angry episode—time and time again—and always blaming you! I am left feeling like I don’t belong here, unloved, and ever so lonely! My heart is broken, and so very tired! Praying God will light the path for me to follow, where my heart will smile once again! My prayers extend to all of you! God will not abandon any of children! Love and prayers to all!

    1. CrystalsC says:

      Your comment had me in tears. I can so relate ! As I pray for my marriage, I will think of you and pray for yours.

    2. BOBBIE Jo luton says:

      I need fellowship with other women suffering from low self worth because of the abuse they have endured.

  10. Bell says:

    Pray for my marriage. We are seniors, new married couple. My husband tells me I need to be submissive to him. He is very harsh to me. I respect him and love him. I can’t give him my opinions about things, he talks over me. I get very confused about this. He considers himself always right. It doesn’t matter what I do, it seems I always make it worse. I always forgive him when he says harsh things to me. Please pray for us and for me to see things more clear.

    1. Madeline says:

      I can certainly understand your feelings. I don’t have “voice” in my marriage either and everything is my fault. God had to draw me in through His word to help me understand the work of the enemy through my husband/pastor. We wrestle not against flesh and blood (Ephesians). I have taken it to God in prayer and will continue to fight through prayer and continued love and serve to my husband. God will move soon.