Answers

By   •   January 12, 2016   •   Topics: , ,

Q:

What can I do about the harsh and hurtful things my husband says to me?


A:

We are sorry to learn of the frustration and pain you have experienced as a result of your husband’s hurtful words. It is distressing to be on the receiving end of very cutting and abrupt comments that wound one’s spirit.

Some people, for reasons known only to themselves, often speak to others in this manner. Sometimes a harsh and insensitive attitude shields a person who himself has been wounded by the remarks of others. In any case, we can understand the problems you are having. Remember that God loves you, and you are important in His sight. He loves you so much that He sent Christ to die for your sins.

As you focus on the fact that God loves you and considers you precious to Him, there will be a real difference in your life. Your sense of self-worth does not need to depend on the opinion of others.

Be sure you do not act toward your husband in the way he acts toward you. It is easy in a situation like yours to do just that. But that does not solve the problem—it only makes it worse. The Bible tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). It also says, “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4). Affirm and support your loved one in your conversations. Your example may help him to learn to do the same for you. Read also Ephesians 4:29-32.

We would encourage you to find a time when you can speak frankly (and yet lovingly) with your husband. Perhaps he is not even aware you are hurt by the things he says, and although he may not be intentionally hurting you, he needs to be aware of your feelings.

Communication is important in a good marriage, and you and your husband need to learn to share your concerns (as well as your joys) with each other. Read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, and Ephesians 5:28-29. Many couples have found the counsel of a Gospel-teaching pastor or Christian marriage counselor to be helpful in strengthening relationships and improving communication skills.

We would urge both you and your husband to examine your relationship with Christ. Have you committed your lives to Christ? Are you seeking to follow Him? If not, make that commitment now, and learn the joy of having Christ at the center of your marriage.

When a husband and wife are truly seeking to honor Christ, they will not want to hurt each other—quite the opposite, they will want to encourage each other. As you pray and learn from God’s Word together, God will help both of you become the loving partners He wants you to be.

Let Jesus bring peace to your marriage—and your soul.

 

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212 Comments

  1. Lashon says:

    My husband say harsh words to me and call me stupid

  2. Ams says:

    Both my husband and myself have known Christ and we have been married for 42 years. He acts like whoever he is around and doesn’t go to church anymore. He thinks he is a good person and will tell you that. He has outburst of anger, is never at fault blaming others and talks about me to his co-workers and family like he is mistreated. I have taken a lot over the years but I am tired of his mouth , he talks like he is an angel to others and lies. He belittles me in front of my children, grandchildren or who ever else might be around. His sister in law hugs on him like “you poor thing” and he is the mean one. How many times am I supposed to forgive him, its been 42 years , I don’t think he is going to change. The next time divorce court.

    1. Amanda says:

      I totally feel you..when is it enough right? I feel like my husband accuses me and does things like that because he is doing it. Either way it still hurts and I’m tired of trying to prove myself. I shouldn’t have to, I’ve done nothing.

  3. Helpless says:

    My heart aches. My husband’s tongue is so evil but claims to be a Christian and takes his bible back and fourth to work daily. He calls me names.. horrible names. I can’t do anything right. If I take a piece of sweet corn off the plate before him I get accused of taking the prime piece in front of our four sons. If I lay something down out of his way and then see it’s going to be in his way I go to move it and he picks it up and hands it to me but then drills it into my chest. I’m not allowed to do anything with our sons or he gets angry. I mean anything. I took our son to the state fair for his project and he didn’t talk to me for days. He does all of this in front of our children. Now I see them treating women the same way.

    1. Andrea says:

      You need to go to your pastor for help. Your husband needs to be held accountable for his behavior, or he will not change.

  4. Ruth Sutalo says:

    Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and the bible verses that I will use for strength.

  5. Marie White says:

    My husband is disrespectful and has no interest in what God commands him to do in ourMarriage He says nice things to other women but always calling me out my name and belittling me and always has something negative to say. I honestly wish he would just grow up.

  6. Catwoman44 says:

    .My husband is really bad with getting into a rage and he gets into a violent and he.calls me names and breaks our things. We are saved living for God but I get so hurt that I think about all the things he has done to me and I think about hurting myself but I know I can’t do that. We need all the prayers from all our brothers and sisters.

  7. Josaia Ratu says:

    I am a husband going through this situation, I need more from your ministry, thank you.

  8. crystal says:

    I am diabetic & epileptic, take meds for both, last night my husband came home with a bottle of champagne for me. I said to him when is the last time you have seen me drink. I am sure I should have been appreciative but it made me feel like my husband does not even know me. He knows my neurologist told me to stay away from alcohol and stress due to my seizures. I was baffled by the champagne, my husband of course became very angry. I just wanted to know what was he thinking when he bought it, after a while he said it was for both of us. My marriage is so dysfunctional. I get tired of seeing my husband with a beer in one hand and cigarette in his mouth. I don’t know what to do from one day to the next. Prayers please.

    1. Catwoman44 says:

      To Crystal. Your story is so sad. But you know strengthen your relationship with Jesus. In my case I just I just get away and stay gone. I get by myself and pray for him. Jesus overcame the world and so can we because we are Gods children and He wants us to be more than conquerors. I will keep you in .my prayers.

  9. Kennya says:

    Thank you so much! Reed these was really helpful I’m still heart by my husband words but I’ll pray and ask God to help me