By   •   January 12, 2016   •   Topics: , ,


What can I do about the harsh and hurtful things my husband says to me?


We are sorry to learn of the frustration and pain you have experienced as a result of your husband’s hurtful words. It is distressing to be on the receiving end of very cutting and abrupt comments that wound one’s spirit.

Some people, for reasons known only to themselves, often speak to others in this manner. Sometimes a harsh and insensitive attitude shields a person who himself has been wounded by the remarks of others. In any case, we can understand the problems you are having. Remember that God loves you, and you are important in His sight. He loves you so much that He sent Christ to die for your sins.

As you focus on the fact that God loves you and considers you precious to Him, there will be a real difference in your life. Your sense of self-worth does not need to depend on the opinion of others.

Be sure you do not act toward your husband in the way he acts toward you. It is easy in a situation like yours to do just that. But that does not solve the problem—it only makes it worse. The Bible tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). It also says, “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4). Affirm and support your loved one in your conversations. Your example may help him to learn to do the same for you. Read also Ephesians 4:29-32.

We would encourage you to find a time when you can speak frankly (and yet lovingly) with your husband. Perhaps he is not even aware you are hurt by the things he says, and although he may not be intentionally hurting you, he needs to be aware of your feelings.

Communication is important in a good marriage, and you and your husband need to learn to share your concerns (as well as your joys) with each other. Read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, and Ephesians 5:28-29. Many couples have found the counsel of a Gospel-teaching pastor or Christian marriage counselor to be helpful in strengthening relationships and improving communication skills.

We would urge both you and your husband to examine your relationship with Christ. Have you committed your lives to Christ? Are you seeking to follow Him? If not, make that commitment now, and learn the joy of having Christ at the center of your marriage.

When a husband and wife are truly seeking to honor Christ, they will not want to hurt each other—quite the opposite, they will want to encourage each other. As you pray and learn from God’s Word together, God will help both of you become the loving partners He wants you to be.

Let Jesus bring peace to your marriage—and your soul.


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  1. Evelyn Carrion says:

    Thank you for helping me see things in God’s perspective. I love the Lord God with all my heart.

  2. mJ says:

    Hubby and I are Christians.Married 5 yrs.In our 50’s.He’s verbally mean to me and has an explosive temper.It got so bad,I don’t even feel alive,anymore.Counseling did’nt help.He thinks I’m wrong,with everything.Never apologizes.Very arrogant.It’s all about him.I don’t love him,anymore.

    1. Rae says:

      Sorry mJ, I’m in the same boat. I feel dead inside because of how he talks to me. I’m so sad because I know it’s starting to affect our toddler. He can’t even speak to me with common courtesy or any warmth in his voice. He has no admiration for me and doesn’t value anything about me. I feel like divorce is inevitable but I don’t want to break up my daughter’s home and I ask myself why God put him in my life and I don’t want to break our vows. I don’t even feel like a woman, any bit desirable. He’s been emotionally unfaithful in the past and offers no happiness or light. He is a loving father usually but can also be too harsh with our daughter and doesn’t understand she’s not being a brat, just a toddler

  3. Ashley Fletcher says:

    Thanks for the insight. I look forward to learning more and putting these suggestions in to play in my life! God Bless.