No matter why you feel this way, I strongly urge you not to give in and return to your abusive spouse. Not only could it endanger your life, but it would do nothing to encourage him to change.
Why are you like this? Perhaps you simply are lonely, and you miss being with someone who knows you. Or perhaps down inside you think you are a bad person, and therefore you deserve to be punished. Or there may be other reasons for your feelings (your shelter may be able to point you to a counselor who can help you understand them). But no matter where they come from, don’t let your emotions lead you down the wrong path.
Instead, I pray that you will turn to Jesus Christ and commit your life and your future into His hands. The most important thing I can tell you is that God loves you. He knows all about you and your situation, and He wants to surround you with His love and His protection. He loves you so much that Christ went to the cross and gave His life for you, so that you could become part of God’s family forever.
This is why I urge you to commit your life to Jesus Christ. Then ask Him to help you see yourself the way He sees you—as His dearly loved child—and to give you wisdom about your future. God’s promise is for you: “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).