I’m thankful you don’t want to repeat the pattern your father apparently followed, and that you want to be a good husband. And with God’s help you can be — because that’s what He wants for you! The Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

How can you be the kind of husband that your spouse needs, and that God wants you to be? First, see your marriage as a gift from God. God brought you together, and He is even more concerned about your marriage than you are. When you go through hard times as a couple (and you will), never forget that God gave your marriage to you, and He is with you. As Jesus said, a husband and wife “are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6).

Then learn to put each other first. True love means we want what is best not for ourselves but for the other person. A friend once told me, “When I wake up in the morning, I always stop and ask God to help me find ways to bless my wife today.” That’s good advice.

Above all, build your marriage—and your lives—on Jesus Christ. Pray and read God’s Word together, and seek His will in all things. Help and encourage each other also, and seek your wife’s forgiveness when you’re thoughtless or insensitive. Christ gave His life for us; learn to give your lives to each other.