Answers

By   •   June 9, 2010   •   Topics: ,

Q:

I admit that not seeing my three children after I divorced and moved away didn't bother me much. But over 20 years have passed and now they're married and having children, and suddenly I'd love to reconnect with them. But they're still angry and don't want anything to do with me. Is this a hopeless situation?


A:

I don’t know whether or not it’s hopeless — but I do know nothing will change if you don’t at least try to overcome the barriers between you. In their present attitude, your children probably won’t take the first step — but you should, and I pray you will.

And one reason you should do this, frankly, is because you are largely responsible for their attitude. I don’t know all the facts, of course — but whatever they were, don’t refuse to face your part in what happened. Instead, try to put yourself in the shoes of three little children who not only had to face the trauma of a divorce, but also suddenly discovered that their father didn’t even care enough about them to stay in contact. Few things are more hurtful than being rejected by someone we thought loved us.

Have you faced this? Have you realized how self-centered and thoughtless your failure to stay in touch was? Be honest, and let your children know you realize how much you hurt them, and that you need their forgiveness. Even if they refuse, you still need to take this step.

Most of all, my prayer is that you will seek God’s forgiveness and turn your life over to Jesus Christ. He alone can forgive your past and change your future. The Bible’s promise is true: “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

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6 Comments

  1. Val says:

    The same happened to my husband. As a child he had no permanant home and suffered abuse. Went thru 2 bad marriages and had a daughter with each. When we met he got to know Jesus. He is a new man, a man renewed by the love or Jesus. He reached out, asked for their forgiveness, and got the 2 daughters in contact with each other as they live in different states. They want nothing to do with him. They say they forgive him but want no relationship. Its heartbreaking. Please join with me in prayer that his daughters will get to know the wonderful man of God their birth father has grown to be.

  2. Bonnie Dawson says:

    I was wondering if this person was my x-husband taking about his 3 daughters. At 12 years old her told his oldest daughter he never wanted to talk to her again. The other two he reconnected with for a moment and then instead of sending them a personal message he only sent them his missionary news letter. He and his wife, who died last year have done nothing but hurt my children over and over. In fact they have adopted 10 kids and never spoke to his kids, which by the way are amazing woman, who have done well for themselves. I always thought he was a good Dad… but after he stopped speaking to his oldest girl at 12. I didn’t think much of him or his wife. I am thankful I love the Lord, but sad, that this man has been so cruel to my children

  3. Jane says:

    YOUR ADVICE IS GREAT.I HOPE HE WILL DO WHAT YOU advised him to
    Do.

  4. Steve Casrleberry says:

    I can appreciate where this person is coming from. I too had this same problem with my children. All accept one relationship (my son) have been forgiven and we all know how easy anger can come between people, if left unforgiven it will turn into hatetred. One thing this person needs to ask himself is, is he wanting their forgivness for himself. So he can have a relationship with his kids, or grandkids. Also is it ment to start the healing process.

  5. Lynn says:

    My husband did the same thing. He walked away and never looked back. My four children paid the price for his selfish heart. Although I never said a cross word about him to any of them, they drew their own conclusions. . Three of my kids don’t harbor any ill toward him today but my baby boy has a huge hole in his heart and now I hit my knees for HIM to be able to forgive and to let Jesus fill the hole in his heart. It’s never too late to repent and to ask forgiveness. Prove that you’re worthy.

    When a parent walks away they make a very clear statement. They trade the most precious gifts for a new past time.. It’s a pretty clear message and kids don’t miss the fact that they aren’t iimportant enough to fight for.

  6. Kathy Chojnacki says:

    My father left my mother, 3 sons and me, his daughter when we were all in our teens. He had visits with my brothers I guess because he had to pay child support for them. I was 18 so he didn’t have to pay for me. So he never once asked to see me. I had always felt invisible to him even before he left. Now he’s in his late 80’s in another state. He calls me several times a month. I dread his calls & think he doesnt wang to die with no one caring about him. My brothers don’t want anything to do with him either. But I do feel sorry for him because now he’s reaping what he sowed. I do wonder what God wants me to do because we’re supposed to honor our parent which is why I talk to him
    at all.