Answers

By   •   January 12, 2016   •   Topics: , ,

Q:

What can I do about the harsh and hurtful things my husband says to me?


A:

We are sorry to learn of the frustration and pain you have experienced as a result of your husband’s hurtful words. It is distressing to be on the receiving end of very cutting and abrupt comments that wound one’s spirit.

Some people, for reasons known only to themselves, often speak to others in this manner. Sometimes a harsh and insensitive attitude shields a person who himself has been wounded by the remarks of others. In any case, we can understand the problems you are having. Remember that God loves you, and you are important in His sight. He loves you so much that He sent Christ to die for your sins.

As you focus on the fact that God loves you and considers you precious to Him, there will be a real difference in your life. Your sense of self-worth does not need to depend on the opinion of others.

Be sure you do not act toward your husband in the way he acts toward you. It is easy in a situation like yours to do just that. But that does not solve the problem—it only makes it worse. The Bible tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). It also says, “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4). Affirm and support your loved one in your conversations. Your example may help him to learn to do the same for you. Read also Ephesians 4:29-32.

We would encourage you to find a time when you can speak frankly (and yet lovingly) with your husband. Perhaps he is not even aware you are hurt by the things he says, and although he may not be intentionally hurting you, he needs to be aware of your feelings.

Communication is important in a good marriage, and you and your husband need to learn to share your concerns (as well as your joys) with each other. Read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, and Ephesians 5:28-29. Many couples have found the counsel of a Gospel-teaching pastor or Christian marriage counselor to be helpful in strengthening relationships and improving communication skills.

We would urge both you and your husband to examine your relationship with Christ. Have you committed your lives to Christ? Are you seeking to follow Him? If not, make that commitment now, and learn the joy of having Christ at the center of your marriage.

When a husband and wife are truly seeking to honor Christ, they will not want to hurt each other—quite the opposite, they will want to encourage each other. As you pray and learn from God’s Word together, God will help both of you become the loving partners He wants you to be.

Let Jesus bring peace to your marriage—and your soul.

 

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177 Comments

  1. Kathy says:

    serious negative environment, no trust, married over 50 years and want to keep the family together, 5 children and 12 grandchildren. I believe that he is a hypocrite but he thinks he knows everything.

  2. So hurt says:

    Just another day in paradise. He just retired. He’s not liking it very much and taking it out on me. Blew up at me and now I’m the bad guy for defending myself. How do u spell narcissist? It hurts so bad.

  3. Linda Fielde says:

    I am a Christian and he is only a partial one but not enough to follow God word when it comes to life love and marriage. I have. Prayed and talked with my pastor. Other older sister tell me to kick him out but that is not an option to me. He is just a hurt man from his painful past. But only I understand him. But it is very hard to live with every day he has been told and he says he sorry but does it the next day if he is in pain tired hungry or? What do I do?

  4. Wilma says:

    My husband serves God, he even leads a group at church, but is loveless at home. I am in dire straits about this. The worst thing is: people really love him and what he says in church is not what he does at home.

    1. Judy says:

      I understand your situation. It has been hard for me to reconcile in my heart the difference between what my husband preaches and what he lives. I asked God for help and this is what I learned. God’s word is true no matter whose mouth it comes out of and we are all hypocrites to some extent. The word says that I should honor my husband “as unto the Lord.” That means to me that I do it because God asked me to – not because my husband deserves it. When I can live this way I have peace with God. It’s a hard road and I fail often – but I have accepted that God alone can meet my needs. I will pray for you. Please pray for me.

  5. Janet says:

    I’ve tried all of these things. Yet he talks to me as if I’m nothing at times. I have been dishonest and am no angel, but so has he. I don’t hold grudges. I try to live life right, but the enemy always uses him to stir up doubt in my own spiritual walk. Please just pray for me. Thanks

  6. Jasmine says:

    This was very helpful. Especially with the scriptures and all. It helps me want to read and see what I need to read and fully understand what Jesus is saying. Thank you.