Answers

By   •   May 12, 2006   •   Topics:

Q:

My husband unexpectedly died in his sleep six months ago, and we didn't even have a chance to say goodbye. I don't think I'll ever get over it. I know we'll meet again in heaven but that doesn't seem to help me right now. Can you help me?


A:

One of the hardest experiences any of us will ever face in life is losing someone we dearly love—and I know it’s especially hard when death comes unexpectedly and we have no opportunity to say a final goodbye.

Perhaps the most important thing I can say to you is that God loves you and understands what you’re going through. When Jesus stood by the tomb of His friend Lazarus, He knew that shortly He would bring Lazarus back to life—but the Bible still says that “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). This is the shortest verse in the Bible, but it reveals a great truth about Christ’s compassion for those who grieve. The Bible says, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail” (Lamentations 3:22).

You will always remember your husband, and your grief over his death won’t go away quickly. But in time, your pain will lessen—and God wants to help you in this process. What can you do? First, take time each day to thank God for the years you had together. Thankfulness is like a healing balm to our souls.

Then ask God to help you reach out to others who are grieving. They need your encouragement—and you need theirs. Most of all, don’t carry your burden alone but hand it over to Christ. The Bible says, “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall” (Psalm 55:22).

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10 Comments

  1. Pamela says:

    I know there is no marriage in heaven, but why? Why would God take my husband at 59, suddenly and unexpectedly, never let us say “I love you” one last time and then take our marriage away, too? This does not make sense. I’d like a “do over” I’d like my husband back. I’d like to spend more time loving the man of my dreams. I struggle with the issue of “no marriage in heaven.” I simply do not understand.

  2. Linda says:

    I don’t agree with the “In time, your pain will lessen.” I think for me, my pain is still deep, nauseating, desperate, scared, heart breaking, and overhelming but I don’t stay in that mode as long as time goes on. I have to snap my thinking back to the present as quickly as possible. My memories are getting more satisfying because I’m thinking of all of our good times. I lost my husband 02/20/2013 to cancer so I was blessed that I did get to say goodbye but watched my strong, driven husband turn to a frail human being. That is part of my pain. A huge part. The great ending is he accepted Jesus and now resides with the Lord! I know I will see him again by Jesus promises this and that is my peace! My prayers are for all of you for your loss!

  3. Susan thomas says:

    thank you I must start a war room with God for my grieving for my husband Richard for 35 years

  4. Tara Banks says:

    I woke up to my husband dead in his office room 4/13/2016. I am 32. It was out of nowhere . Very sad, I miss him joking with me, and just seeing him. I love him so much. He was the only income to, so it’s scary & depressing. I just want to hold him.

  5. betty ortiz says:

    My husband died last Sunday and this is really hard. I never loved so deep in my life , I love him he loved me, he died loving me. I always thanked God For loaning me my husband, he didn’t leave me for another woman, my God called him home, I celebrate his life with me, I still have a hard time, thanks for the information.

  6. Kathleen Confalone says:

    My husband died two years ago in his sleep. He was 58 and I never saw it coming. I’m still in pain and hope it gets better soon.

    1. Pamela says:

      My husband died in his sleep in January (2016). He was 59. I had no idea his heart was failing. There are no words for the deep, painful grief of this loss. Heartbroken and completely lost. We built our lives around each other.

  7. Denise says:

    I feel your pain as I too just lost my husband 7 weeks ago in his sleep. It has been the most devastating time in my life to attempt to face each day without him, He was my rock, my shield, my protector. I know my faith will lead me through this, but everyday is a challenge. I miss everything about him, both the good and the bad. I only wished that I could have that last day back just to tell him how much I love him. And I will never say Goodbye. He will live on in my memories and more importantly in my HEART until we are reunited.

    1. Susan thomas says:

      thank you for your post feel the same way lost Richard 2 months ago thank you sooooo much

  8. jan says:

    I am so so sorry for your lost. You are in my prayers.