Thank you for your honesty; perhaps it will help some young person even now who is struggling with the same decision you once faced. Seeking God’s will is one of our most important responsibilities, and it involves not only major decisions that affect the course of our lives, but the small things we face every day.
God doesn’t call everyone to be a pastor or evangelist or Bible teacher—but He does call some. We live in a world that urgently needs the Gospel, and if God has called and equipped someone to serve Him in this way, He has promised never to leave them. Paul said, “Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel! … I am simply discharging the trust committed to me” (1 Corinthians 9:16-17).
Don’t feel that your life has been useless, however; your letter indicates that God has used you in other ways over the years. Remember: no matter how good we are or how earnestly we serve God, we’re still only saved by God’s grace in Christ. Thank Him for being with you all these years.
The most important thing you can do, however, is commit your future to Christ, and ask Him to help you use it for His glory. God may give you many more years, or He may give you only a few more months—but make them count for Christ.