“We had just moved to Oklahoma from Tennessee so that Chris, my husband, could start his new position as the worship leader at our church,” said Cindy. “He came home on a Tuesday morning and asked if we could talk. I immediately knew something was wrong.”
Chris proceeded to confess that he had been unfaithful to her with many women, and that one of those women, with whom he had developed an online relationship, was pregnant. He was pretty sure he was the father of the baby. “Within five minutes, I had gone from unpacking the boxes in my house to having my world in shambles.”
The infidelity was a symptom of an addiction to pornography. Chris explained to Cindy that after years of viewing images, that act alone was no longer enough to satisfy the carnal longings for something a little more real. Thus, the affairs began.
A Message From God
Chris resigned from his role at the church where he had just arrived. “Not only was our marriage deeply wounded and more than likely beyond repair, my ministry was lost, too,” said Cindy. “I would no longer be singing on the stage that had become my home in ministry for the past several years.”
Cindy packed up herself and her son, and went to visit her mother in Texas for a few days. While she was there, Cindy’s mother urged her to meet with her pastor. That pastor would say something to Cindy that she would never forget:
“I would respect you if you felt that you needed to remove yourself from your marriage. What you’ve endured is very hard. But, you are not a fool to stay and be a part of the redemptive work in a man’s life.”
“It was very surreal, because I knew that was God speaking through pastor Dan,” said Cindy. “Here I am, years later, and I still remember this quote from him, word for word. ”
Later during her visit to Texas, she attended another church with some friends. The pastor delivered a message that ministered to her – one that described God’s calling on our lives. At the end of the service, a young woman got up on stage, saying she had a word to share.
“The instant she got up on stage and said that, I knew that message was for me,” said Cindy. She read Habakkuk 2:3, which states,
“For the vision is yet for the appointed time;
it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail
Though it tarries, wait for it;
For it will certainly come, it will not delay.”
“God was telling me that He knew I didn’t understand everything, but I would one day,” remembered Cindy.
Later that afternoon, Cindy was visiting with some friends. One of the friends told her she had something to share with her. She opened up her Bible and began reading Habakkuk 2:3, the very same Scripture Cindy heard earlier as a word spoken directly from God.
“That afternoon, I was experiencing more peace – something that had not been present in my life since I had heard about Chris’s infidelity. I knew all along that God was the Giver of joy, but the pain was overwhelming.”
The Road to Healing
As Cindy drove back to Oklahoma from Texas, God asked her if she trusted Him. “I knew better than to say I didn’t trust Him, because I knew I definitely did, but I also knew that if I admitted that I trust Him, He would make me go through some really hard things and do some really hard work.”
Once Cindy acknowledged to God that she trusted Him with her life, more peace came to her. “It fell on me like a blanket,” she recalled.
She explains that Chris’s brokenness was a sign that he was serious about reconciling with her and working on their marriage. “He had godly sorrow – he knew he had broken the heart of God. He wasn’t concerned about himself, or what this would do to him,” said Cindy.
Chris became accountable to a group of men in his life and did not become defensive when Cindy would ask him questions or state how she was feeling. In turn, Cindy committed to God that she would not throw Chris’s sin back in his face.
Better Than New
After the resignation from his church, Chris got a job at a home improvement store to make ends meet at home. After 18 months, the senior pastor called him back to the church to assume a new worship leader position at one of the campuses. “This is one of the better parts of the story, because Chris was restored at the same place he fell,” said Cindy. “What Satan meant for evil, God used for good.”
“Chris will tell you that he is willing to spend the rest of his life working to rebuild my trust, if that’s what it takes,” said Cindy. “My cup runneth over. I have a man who adores me and isn’t afraid to show it. And my trust in him is growing daily.”
Speaking of trust, Cindy reminds us to trust God with your situation, no matter now desperate it may seem.
“He is faithful and loving and kind and tender and good and miraculous and amazing. He will carry you when you can walk no more and He will strengthen you when you need to make the journey. He is true to His word and will do what He says he is going to do. I promise because He promises and He does not disappoint.”
To read more about the Beall’s story and to learn more about their ministry, visit Cindy’s blog.
“A Vow to Cherish” is a moving story of a family facing a tragedy that will either confirm their love for each other or destroy it when they examine the real meaning of commitment. This is available at Ruth’s Attic Online.