Answers

By   •   November 29, 2013   •   Topics:

Q:

I know Jesus said we're supposed to forgive people who've hurt us, but why bother? As far as I can tell, it doesn't really change them, nor does it make the hurts go away.


A:

Admittedly, forgiving someone who’s hurt us doesn’t always change them. Instead, they may laugh at us, or cynically accuse us of being insincere and only trying to manipulate them. They also may keep blaming us for what happened, just as they’ve always done. But occasionally it will change them — sometimes in surprising ways.

But let me tell you what will happen if you truly forgive someone who has hurt you. No, it may not change them, but it will change you. You see, an unforgiving spirit produces all kinds of negative emotions in us — anger, bitterness, depression, jealousy, hate, and so forth. Any of those easily becomes a spiritual and emotional poison, eating away at our souls and turning us into unloving (and unlovable) people. This is why the Bible commands us to “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger” (Ephesians 4:31).

How can you forgive someone who has hurt you? You may think it’s impossible — but with God’s help you can. The key is first to accept God’s forgiveness, by receiving the free gift of salvation He offers you in Jesus Christ. We don’t deserve God’s forgiveness, but on the cross all of our sins were placed in Christ, and He took the judgment we deserve. Have you turned to Him for the forgiveness you need?

Then forgive others the same way Christ has forgiven you — freely and fully. Not only will God release you from an unforgiving spirit, but He even may use you to change the life of the person you’ve forgiven.

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44 Comments

  1. sabrina says:

    God does forgive us and if he took the time to forgive us then we should forgive others and i love God he is my rock , for sometimes life is hard to forgive but with his help u can make it thru

  2. Kim says:

    I know the value of forgiveness and want to. I struggle with allowing myself to be hurt by that person again. Just when I think I have conquered my hurt feelings I find the person has hurt me again or does something that makes me so angry all those feelings come back. Am I not really forgiving? Or are they hurting me again? I find I don’t want to be around them and have to force myself to go near them. How do you reconcile forgiveness with allowing yourself to be hurt again?

  3. Linda says:

    What happens when you try to talk to someone and they want listen, you want to forgive and make amends, even though they hurt you, they say, you hate me, when it is not true, and want to keep something going on in the family. I know I must keep trying and forgive seventy times seven, but they blame me for things that aren’t true.

  4. Kay says:

    I have struggled with this my whole life. My sister kicked me to the curb 2 years ago. I don’t know why. Now she is dead. Harder for me to learn than her. Still hurting inside. I too need grace.

  5. Donna L. Manning says:

    I forgave a family member and prayed for them for over two years. This Christmas, God gave me a beautiful gift. This person came to our home, hugged me, told me they loved me, and had missed me. Thank YOU, JESUS!!

  6. DARLENE GOLDEN says:

    I try but it hard.i find that I’m not god so I can’t judge,so god s says to give so I do,because he says to but my problem is I can’t seem to forget!! it the person came between me and my sister.and I ‘m not even allowed to communicate with her(my sister)

  7. Elizabeth says:

    Thank you. I was blessed. I was battling with forgiveness today.

  8. karon says:

    my Daughter has hurt me so much , but i have forgiven her but not my husband ,please pray for him .

  9. Charity Lerato Mathabathe says:

    We need restoration from God in my family

  10. Anya Tahir says:

    I find this probably the most difficult to do – as much I understand it’s importance….I need grace…