The most important thing I can tell you is that God loves you and wants to come into your life so you can know Him and have a personal relationship with Him.
From what you say, this hasn’t been your experience so far, but it can be, as you turn to Christ in repentance and faith, and invite Him to come into your life. You see, only one thing separates us from God, and that’s our sin. God is holy and pure, and even one sin — just one — would be enough to separate us from Him. But God still loves us in spite of our sins and has provided the way for us to be forgiven and cleansed of sin. That way is Jesus Christ, who became the final and complete sacrifice for our sins by dying for us on the cross.
God offers us salvation as a free gift. It is free, because Jesus has already paid for it by shedding His blood for us. And it is a gift, because God wants to give it to us. All we have to do is receive it by believing that Jesus is our Savior and inviting Him into our lives. The Bible says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23).
Ask Jesus to come into your life today — and He will. Then ask Him to guide you to a church where you can grow spiritually. Your life will never be the same.