Answers

By   •   June 28, 2010   •   Topics:

Q:

My wife and I have only been married a few years, and we love each other more than ever. But we read about people getting divorced after 20 or 30 years of marriage, and it worries us. What does it take to make a marriage last?


A:

I’m thankful you have a strong relationship now—but I’m especially thankful you realize there could be dangers ahead, and you want to take steps to prevent them. A good marriage doesn’t just happen; it takes work—but it’s worth it.

I could say much about building a strong marriage—but I’ve sometimes summarized them in four simple points that might be easy to remember. Let me repeat them; each begins with the letter “C”.

First, Cherish. God gave you to each other; you are God’s gift to your spouse. Take time to express your love, both by your words and by little acts of thoughtfulness—a surprise gift, a special time away, a favorite dinner. Cherish your wife, and let her know she is important to you.

Second, Communicate. Let each other know what’s going on in your life at home or at work. Don’t clam up; don’t nag or only express yourself when you’re upset. The Bible says, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11).

Third, Compromise. The greatest enemy of love is our selfishness, but in marriage you can’t always have your own way, so learn to compromise with grace. The Bible says, “Love does not demand its own way” (1 Corinthians 13:5, The Living Bible).

Finally, Christ. Make Christ the center of your lives and your marriage every day, by committing yourself to Him and His will. He is the solid foundation we need—in our lives, and in our marriages.

Christ is the best foundation for your marriage. Invite Him into your life today.

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55 Comments

  1. Pat ritter says:

    My husband of 50 years (in Jan 2016) has told me he has never loved me. He was pursuing this woman who didn’t seem to want him but he kept trying to see her. Anyways he doesn’t want to leave the farm, doesn’t communicate. Except when I bring up subjects and we are living separate lives in same house. It doesn’t seem to bother him but I have always loved him and it hurts daily to watch him back slide into things he used to do. He still goes to church and says he loves the Lord but it is so not good.
    Doesn’t feel any help could help him . Not mean to me just very indifferent. Doesn’t seem like the same person at all. Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful as my mind is racing most of the time.

    1. BGEA says:

      Pat, Focus on the Family (www.family.org) has a staff of more than 20 licensed Christian counselors available to talk with you about the issues you’re facing in your marriage. To reach Focus on the Family’s counseling service by phone, you can call 1-800-232-6459. Please be prepared to leave your contact information for a counselor or chaplain to return a call to you as soon as possible.

  2. Stella L. says:

    I am in one of those marriages. I had vague misgivings about my future husband; yet everyone I counseled with encouraged me to go ahead, that I would be the one to turn him from a lump of coal into a diamond. Also, my finances were quite bleak and his were quite good. After a lot of prayer and trust in God to be with me, I did marry him. From the beginning, I felt it was a mistake as I saw his true colors start to come through. Marriage counseling/seminars didn’t help. I started researching online after 15 years of marriage (& 4 children). I found out what he is: a narcissist and an abuser. Once the youngest is on his own, I will be getting out of this 30 year nightmare. God is my rock/refuge.

  3. Johnna Steedman says:

    This is a very refreshing article and, very aptly, Christ centered. I am, sadly, a divorced person and can see from my life’s experiences, how truthful your advice and keys to a great marriage are. My hope is that all who read this take the advice to heart………..namely, keeping Christ at the center and focus of your lives.