Answers

By   •   June 1, 2004   •   Topics: ,

Q:

What can I do about the harsh and hurtful things my husband says to me?


A:

We are sorry to learn of the frustration and pain you have experienced as a result of your husband’s hurtful words. It is distressing to be on the receiving end of very cutting and abrupt comments that wound one’s spirit.

Some people, for reasons known only to themselves, often speak to others in this manner. Sometimes a harsh and insensitive attitude shields a person who himself has been wounded by the remarks of others. In any case, we can understand the problems you are having. Remember that God loves you, and you are important in His sight. He loves you so much that He sent Christ to die for your sins.

As you focus on the fact that God loves you and considers you precious to Him, there will be a real difference in your life. Your sense of self-worth does not need to depend on the opinion of others.

Be sure you do not act toward your husband in the way he acts toward you. It is easy in a situation like yours to do just that. But that does not solve the problem—it only makes it worse. The Bible tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). It also says, “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4). Affirm and support your loved one in your conversations. Your example may help him to learn to do the same for you. Read also Ephesians 4:29-32.

We would encourage you to find a time when you can speak frankly (and yet lovingly) with your husband. Perhaps he is not even aware you are hurt by the things he says, and although he may not be intentionally hurting you, he needs to be aware of your feelings.

Communication is important in a good marriage, and you and your husband need to learn to share your concerns (as well as your joys) with each other. Read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, and Ephesians 5:28-29. Many couples have found the counsel of a Gospel-teaching pastor or Christian marriage counselor to be helpful in strengthening relationships and improving communication skills.

We would urge both you and your husband to examine your relationship with Christ. Have you committed your lives to Christ? Are you seeking to follow Him? If not, make that commitment now, and learn the joy of having Christ at the center of your marriage.

When a husband and wife are truly seeking to honor Christ, they will not want to hurt each other—quite the opposite, they will want to encourage each other. As you pray and learn from God’s Word together, God will help both of you become the loving partners He wants you to be.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published but you will receive our next BGEA ministry update. You can opt out of future emails at any time.

70 Comments

  1. Brandy Mitchell says:

    My husband and I fight all the time now.He got hurt about five years ago and before that I really felt loved by him.Now I feel as though me and my two kids mean nothing to him. He calls me very nasty words and makes me feel useless. Im tring to hold on,but its getting very hurtful,please pray for us.

    1. coco says:

      Your husband resents himself and what he can no longer do. This doesn’t give him the right to take ot out on the ones that love him. If uou can’t very calmly tell him how he is making you and his children feel then he needs a counselor in order to cope and accept his condition and regain the love of his family.. He has the option to turn them away but then he mush realize that people who don’t care about him will be the ones caring for him and with a bad aattitude they can kust walk away. He needs to value what he has in his family or give them up.

  2. Monica says:

    I am in the same boat as you all. I have been the perfect wife, cook, clean, raising 3 smart children, and yet, my husband is an alcoholic and has made my life a nightmare ever since December 2013. I have been devastated. My husband does not deserve me or the children. It has been a nightmare, lots of things have happened to me. It is very difficult because I wish we could get back together because of the kids but I have stayed strong because of Jesus. Jesus has helped me through some really rough times. I have been so depressed and devastated every single day. I live day by day. I ask Jesus to give me courage and strength everyday and for Him never to leave me.

  3. Abigail says:

    Very encouraging words, Thanx..

  4. Joetta Babers says:

    Need prayer

  5. Cher says:

    Ladies , the things your husbands are saying r satan’s lies !!! If u have CHRIST in your heart , u r HIS daughter !!
    You must constantly fight satan with GOD’s word !
    Meditate in your mind . That u r chosen , a royal daughter. GOD your FATHER sees and hears all. One day these husbands will answer to your FATHER for how they treated HIS daughter. ( u will also answer to GOD for your life) .
    So get in GOD’s word , find out who u r in HIM ! And tell yourself constantly HE loves u !!! Don’t believe the lies . Unfortunately your husband’s eyes have been blinded by satan to your beauty. Don’t let satan win !!!
    I will be praying for all of u . I know it is hard ! But the freedom that comes once u can grasp GOD’s love for u is great !

    1. Reva says:

      Thank you for this. Not sure how I got this post and your reply but Thank you. I’m hurting deep but trying to hold on.

  6. hope says:

    My husband says mean and nasty words to me sometimes he brings up back my past to me throws in my face we been marry a 1 year now some times I say to my self I made a mistake marry him please give me advice I cant take it

  7. evelyn arreguy says:

    My husband told me “God does.not want you”", it hurt me profoundly, I’m finding it very hard to except what he said, I don’t know if I can forgive him, it’s the worst thing anyone has ever said too me.

    1. Joe and Timb says:

      God wants all if us as His children thus the reason for His Son. He wants you and if you’ve already accepted Christ in your heart and believe on Him in all things God already has you. “To fandom the great love God had lavished on us. He call us His children , yes it is true we are in Gods family. It is official we are His children now”. God even wants your husband. We’ll be praying for you .

  8. DB says:

    Wonderful! Encouraging. Please continue the lessons.

  9. efosa okai says:

    I really like the advice God bless please I need more advice

  10. Amy H says:

    My husband and I have been married for 3 years and while dating he was completely different…he flipped a switch and is so mean and hurtful, mostly to me. Gets angry at the smallest things and turns into the Hulk, throwing things, charging at me like hes about to kill me or pushes me…Sometimes hes the Hulk for months at a time then he will just be a complete jerk and so..? The things he says I could never imagine saying to someone I love. I am a Christian and pray for myself and for him and our family because our kids see him act this way and I hate it….I need divine intervention! I start everyday loving life, so happy…then my husband is like a dark cloud hovering and makes everyone so miserable. I’m so unhappy.