Answers

By   •   June 1, 2004   •   Topics: ,

Q:

What can I do about the harsh and hurtful things my husband says to me?


A:

We are sorry to learn of the frustration and pain you have experienced as a result of your husband’s hurtful words. It is distressing to be on the receiving end of very cutting and abrupt comments that wound one’s spirit.

Some people, for reasons known only to themselves, often speak to others in this manner. Sometimes a harsh and insensitive attitude shields a person who himself has been wounded by the remarks of others. In any case, we can understand the problems you are having. Remember that God loves you, and you are important in His sight. He loves you so much that He sent Christ to die for your sins.

As you focus on the fact that God loves you and considers you precious to Him, there will be a real difference in your life. Your sense of self-worth does not need to depend on the opinion of others.

Be sure you do not act toward your husband in the way he acts toward you. It is easy in a situation like yours to do just that. But that does not solve the problem—it only makes it worse. The Bible tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). It also says, “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4). Affirm and support your loved one in your conversations. Your example may help him to learn to do the same for you. Read also Ephesians 4:29-32.

We would encourage you to find a time when you can speak frankly (and yet lovingly) with your husband. Perhaps he is not even aware you are hurt by the things he says, and although he may not be intentionally hurting you, he needs to be aware of your feelings.

Communication is important in a good marriage, and you and your husband need to learn to share your concerns (as well as your joys) with each other. Read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, and Ephesians 5:28-29. Many couples have found the counsel of a gospel-teaching pastor or Christian marriage counselor to be helpful in strengthening relationships and improving communication skills.

We would urge both you and your husband to examine your relationship with Christ. Have you committed your lives to Christ? Are you seeking to follow Him? If not, make that commitment now, and learn the joy of having Christ at the center of your marriage.

When a husband and wife are truly seeking to honor Christ, they will not want to hurt each other—quite the opposite, they will want to encourage each other. As you pray and learn from God’s Word together, God will help both of you become the loving partners He wants you to be.

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65 Comments

  1. Andrea says:

    Thank you for the article and the advice. My husband doesn’t believe in GOD. However, I am a Christian woman and I live my life for GOD, I’m sorry to hear of the verbal abuse for all of you and I will pray for all of you. I too am a woman of abuse, my husband on a daily basis screams and hollers and calls me the most horrible things. It doesn’t matter what I say or do I am always wrong and he is right. The name calling is what hurts me the most. I lost my both my parents. My father to a car accident and my mother was murdered. My husband shows no support I feel I am fighting evil when it comes to him. I pray for comfort and strength for all of you it has worked for me because there comes a time when you cannot allow the abuse any longer.!

  2. Denise Cunningham says:

    My husband was verbally abusive and even physical in the past. He is trying to change his ways. The problem is, I asked God to deliiver me from the evil in my life , and in so doing, I lost the love I had for my husband. I don’t want him to be unhappy, but I don’t want to be a wife to him anymore. Now, I pray for my husbands healing.

  3. kate says:

    my husband won’t talk to me. It has been five days. It all started when I was defending my kids. He doesn’t agree with me. He thinks he is always right. He has been very cold. If I disagree with him he acts childish and won’t even knowledge me. I am hurt. angry and very sad. don’t know what else to do. i have wrote him notes and send him notes by text. He is a very stubborn man. I need prayers.

  4. jamie mccollum says:

    I am so emotionally scared by past and present verbal and some physical abuse by my husband. I only want truly the best for our precious 3 babies weve been nlessed with. I know that if I wait on the Lord, His will will be done. I just want peace as well.

  5. Michelle says:

    Pray for me as well. My husband is brash with his words to myself and my children and is blind to what it is doing to our family. I have spoken to him but it does not help. He days he is a Christian but she’s not act like one. He himself was harshly abused as a child in all ways so he minimizes what he does to us. Pray God lead me and his will be done in my response to this.

  6. Brandie Kiesey says:

    This is great. I too have been married for 19yrs to my husband who grew up in church. However has not spent a day of our marriage and yrs as parents practising the word. I have suffered yrs of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of the man who should love me. I have these past months recommit my faith in Christ and attend church and studies reguarly. I have been called I believe to take my sons and myself. It has made me stronger knowing God finds strength from my weakness. But my husband mocks my efforts and refuses to join me in growing our family and marriage in Christ and th word. I have left the dark places of my life in pursuit of the light if God. But he remains dark drunken consumed with addiction and th world. Please pray for us.
    rgeg

  7. Ana Servin says:

    Liked your answer.Yes God is the answer to adversity.

  8. Holly Hidalgo says:

    Learning to release my troubles to God thanks you for the message above.

  9. brittany burcham says:

    please pray for me and my husband we are young and have soooo many problems