Answers

By   •   January 29, 2014   •   Topics: , ,

Q:

My fiance and I got engaged several months ago, but I've discovered he gets upset when he doesn't get his way. Sometimes he's even gotten very angry and fairly violent, although he always apologizes and says it won't happen again. Should I be concerned?


A:

Yes, you definitely should be concerned about this. After all, if your fiancé can’t control his temper now, what reason do you have for thinking he’ll be able to control it once you’re married?

However, it isn’t just a question of being able to control his temper (although that’s very serious, as anyone caught in an abusive marriage could tell you). From what you say, he always wants his own way, and that doesn’t hold much promise for a happy marriage. In other words, instead of taking your feelings and desires into account, he’s only concerned about himself and his desires.

But that kind of self-centered, ‘me-first’ attitude is the opposite of true love. True love puts the other person first, and seeks to be sensitive to their needs and desires. This is the kind of love Christ has for us, and it’s the kind of love He wants us to have for others. The Bible says, “Love is patient, love is kind…. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).

The most important advice I can give you, however, is to seek God’s will for your future. Put your life into Christ’s hands, and then trust Him to guide you and help you make right decisions. If it’s His will for you to marry (as it probably is), then trust Him to lead you to the man He has chosen for you, one who will love you and be your spiritual partner throughout life.

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24 Comments

  1. Tony White says:

    Your description of our Fathers love awakens His love within me and it concurs in oneness with the beauty of our Fathers love that we enjoy as His children.You are my brothers and sisters and right now we may be separated by distance.Yet His love is alive in us,together,as we share it.One with the other.Thank You.I love you too

  2. Rex says:

    Keep in the Word, and apply everything it says to your relationship with your fiance. Imagine yourself going through life in a marriage to someone who demands to have his own way all the time and gets violent if he doesn’t. Do you want to live like that? Aren’t you worth better than that – as a daughter of the King? Ask how Jesus as Groom would treat you!

  3. Richard Crawford says:

    Dr.Graham:; My name is Richard Crawford my wife and I were present years ago when you spoke to the PGA Tour Golfers in Atlanta at Hyatt Hotel. I just would like to say THNKS! for your stand on GOD’S
    word. Because it has also mint a great deal to Dianne and I over the 48 years of marriage.
    As he blessed you in the past I pray GOD will keep blessing you in days to come.
    May he give you insight and strength in your latter years.
    THANKS!!!
    Richard

  4. Prince Amoah says:

    What i want to share is my sister who is in that problem should be very carefull and start inquiring from the Lord if the Guy is the Lords ordained man for her, if not even when he marries her, de marriage will not last long. Stay Bless

  5. Heather says:

    Run! Don’t walk. I was in a similar relationship and had teh bruises to show for it. He even knocked me out one time, it only got worse over time with him also cheating with a couple women. I was lucky enough to be rid of him before I said “I do.” I kept my trust in the Lord and found the perfect relationship 10 months later with someone who loves, respects and is supportive of me, we have been together 30 years.

  6. iwaloye olutayo isaac says:

    Enjoying drinking from the well of the experienced father of faith

  7. Susan Smith says:

    I was in an abusive marriage for 21 years to a controlling man. I was afraid of him and of what others would think if I left him. Before we divorced in 1988, I went to a Bible Study Fellowship and learned about the Bible. This knowledge and my faith in God is what got me though our divorce. My life changed for the good, and I am now married to a Christian man. We met at our Church Stewardship Dinner a few years ago. Good is good all the time.

  8. Margie says:

    Do not marry him in the state he is in now. Has he accepted Jesus as his Lord and savior? If he is not willing to change and n
    and work on his issues it will only get worse. and

    1. Laura says:

      I agree.

  9. Joyce Paul says:

    PUT GOD FIRST……everythings will be alright,

    1. Laura says:

      I agree. CLING to Jesus with all your might. Don’t let go. Talk to Him constantly about all that is on your heart. Proverbs 3:5,6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean NOT to your own understanding. BUT IN ALL YOUR WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM, and He shall direct your paths.

  10. stephen john says:

    …Sometimes he’s even gotten very angry and fairly violent, although he always apologizes and says it won’t happen again. Should I be concerned?…
    You should always be concerned regarding your loved ones behaviour. I’m sure that Jesus gives us the answers regarding how to address any sort of problem in life. We are talking about marriage here, so loosing ones temper and becoming aggressive and violent can obviously be worrying. Everything depends on the circumstances, however a good question to ask yourself is what would Jesus do in this situation? I’m sure the answer is that he wouldn’t leave the person, he would help the person in need. When Jesus is in you both then the decision and the time to get married should be made obviously easier for you both. Just think about the beautiful places around the world you can go to on your honeymoon, along with Jesus in both your hearts, where marriages like this are what the kingdom of heaven is made of I’m sure. My gut feeling is you’ll make it, after all you have written to the BGEA and that’s certainly a good place to find Jesus and good Christian values in life. Good luck and God bless..