Let me ask you a question. If your wife did return, what would she find? Would she find you were any different from what you were before she left? Or would she discover you were just the same as you have always been?
This is why your first prayer should be for yourself–a prayer that God will forgive your sins (including your failures as a husband), and that Christ will come to live within you and begin to change you. You see, God knows all about you. He knows the way you have lived and what you have done wrong in life. More than that, He knows what goes on inside of you; as the Bible says, He “judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).
But in spite of that, God still loves you! Elsewhere in your letter you admit that you have forgotten God most of your life–but He has not forgotten you. He loves you so much that He sent His Son into the world to die for your sins. Your greatest need is to give your life to Jesus Christ, and I invite you to do that today.
Then commit your future to Christ, and ask Him to help you follow His path. Pray for your wife also, that God will bring her to Himself. Perhaps in time she will return to you–but even if she doesn’t, you have hope for the future if you have Christ in your heart.