Answers

By   •   March 8, 2010   •   Topics:

Q:

My husband died several months ago (of cancer), and they have been the hardest months of my life. People try to cheer me up by saying he's in heaven now, and I believe it, but it doesn't take away the hurt. How can I get over this?


A:

Have you ever had major surgery? If so, you know it took a long time to recover from it — months, even years. Something traumatic had happened to your body, and it healed only gradually.

This is similar to what happens when a loved one is taken from us. Something traumatic has happened: A loved one has been removed from our lives, and our emotional pain is very real. And just as it takes a long time to recover from physical surgery, so it takes a long time to recover from the “emotional surgery” of a loved one’s death. In fact, we may never fully recover; I miss my late wife every day, and I’m sure I’ll continue to miss her until we are reunited in heaven.

Grief is real; even Jesus wept at the tomb of His friend Lazarus (see John 11:33-35). But when we know Christ, we have hope — hope for ourselves, and hope for those who have entered heaven before us. Take time each day to thank God for His goodness in giving you so many years together, and for the hope we have of heaven because of Jesus Christ.

But ask God also to help you reach out to others who are grieving (perhaps in your church). They need your friendship — and as you encourage them, your own grief will lessen. The Bible says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15).

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10 Comments

  1. Alice Goodson says:

    My husband died almost 9 months ago….married 55 years….miss him so much
    Please pray for me

  2. mark turner says:

    Thank you

  3. Dena Bradway says:

    Once again, I find help from your words. Thank you

  4. Anne says:

    I lost my husband to cancer 21 November – he was only 53 years old. I have two daughters who were then 8 and 10 years old. I find that I miss him more every year, yet people say that time heals. Is my faith not strong enough -what am i doing wrong?

  5. Chris says:

    In the past five years I have lost both parents, my best friend of 40+ years and 2 months ago my other best friend, my husband. I”m still in the numb phase of the grieving process. I vacillate between being happy my husband is with the Lord, being angry about being alone in these last days and feeling the warmth of my Savior’s arms holding me tight. Right now this is as good as it can get.

  6. Denise M Hanson says:

    I lost my first husband in 2006 to ALS. I was heartbroken with 2 young children. Then God brought Duane into my life and we were married in 2008. I had met the “true love” of my life and was so happy and so were my kids. He died of cancer in April of this year. I am still angry and simply do not understand why God took my kids’ Dad and their stepdad, who they were so close to. I have a gaping hole in my heart that will never be repaired and my kids feel so cheated out of the love of a “Dad”.

    1. Tiffanie says:

      I lost my husband in May this year. I too was angry and questioned God for some time. The thing we have to remember and stand on is that God did not take our loved ones. He is not the destroyer and the devourer, the enemy is. This is fighting the good fight of faith. God is faithful and loving, and even in my deepest grief moments, I can see His faithfulness and love for me when I simply choose to pay attention. The best thing you can do is thank Him for the blessings you do still have. It’s not easy as times when you feel like doing the exact opposite, however, it does help. I kept a list of even the small things that I knew were Him working, and I really could see His love for me.

  7. Doris says:

    This is my 3rd Christmas without my husband – He went to Heaven on June 30, 2013. This seems to be my worst Christmas – I am very sad & longing to be with him. I try to reach out to others here in the Christian retirement community where I am living, but I just cannot seem to shake the sadness. Any thoughts on this ?

  8. Linda says:

    How did you heal the loss of loosing your wife.. my husband passed in July 2013 and I am just so heartbroken and wanting to join him… I know that is in God’s hands but how do you get the will to want to go on without them…

    1. jo says:

      you have to go on for the loved ones who are still with you. I lost my husband and 2 children and the secret is keeping busy and helping others.